Cats believe in retribution. And they’re not screwing around. They know all of your weaknesses and they will use them against you. Forget to the clean the litter box? They shit right next to it. Put sticky tape on the arm of your wicker chair in an effort to save it? They study every inch […]
Tag Archives: work
Napkins. I don’t have them. I just don’t. Why is that a thing? Napkins seem like one of those extras. Something you have, but can live without. Like a change purse. Or that felt tomato my grandma once stuck pins in. “But why don’t you have any napkins?” my 7-year-old niece, Kayla, and 9-year-old nephew, Mikie […]
“He’s trying to usurp my power,” CollickyBaby declares when I walk into her office like an idiot. [Ugh!] Apparently, someone ignored CollickyBaby at a meeting – and it’s been bothering her for a month. [Are you kidding me?! I would pay not to go to meetings. I would pay more to be ignored when I go. […]
It’s a teeny tiny hole. That’s it. Who knew a teeny tiny hole could be such a huge pain in my ass? “See it? Right there,” the forensic engineer from my insurance company is pointing to a microscopic whole in the vinyl siding of my house that is very close to the roof. Nope, I […]
I don’t understand people who brag about working all day at work. What for? “I was up until 2 a.m.” or “I never take lunch,” they say. Whatever, dude. At 2 a.m. my cat is sleeping on my neck. And at lunchtime, I am at Target looking for gardening stuff or hair products. Working 8 […]
“Who is coming to the Christmas party?,” my boss asked in the last meeting. [Honestly, can we just focus on one painful charade – I mean holiday – at a time? Thanksgiving isn’t even over, for crissakes!] “Do people still go to that insipid thing?” I respond without a beat. Let’s flashback to the Christmas […]
Sigh. What’s with all the “work” at work?! I try to make at least 10% [and by that, I mean 30%] of the day “chat time.” It’s good for the soul – and totally productive, in a non-productive kind of way. Anyway, this is important. FairyWings is about to tell me about him. Biker Dude, him. […]
I am not sure what I’m doing in New York in the middle of a hurricane. Hurricane Sandy. This ranks pretty high on my list of Dumb-Things-I-Do-Because-I-Need-To-Live-With-Someone-Who-Is-Not-Bonkers. Need proof? Let’s quickly re-visit the Tree Art Debaucle which obviously led to WagonGate, shall we? Once I brought a chainsaw to cut down a row of small […]
No one has ever applauded me at a meeting. That is probably because I make a point to avoid them. I mean how the hell should I know how meetings work? I don’t go. [Note to self: Look this up on Google. Meetings/applause/frequency.] Generally, I don’t get it. What is the point of sending an […]
It was Friday. And I was joking around with one of my work-friends. Work-friends are people who act like they would give you a kidney between the hours of 9 and 5, but after 5:01 PM – they pretend not to know you when they you see at Target [because it’s like so inconvenient.] Welcome […]
Great. So he’s not just a pretty face. How utterly disappointing. I guess I should have realized this when I looked up his bio – in proper stalker fashion on Google – and found a list of degrees, books, and research articles a mile long. Whatever, Professor Unicorn. Methinks thou reads too much. It’s just […]
