Oh, great. Here comes my nephew, Mikie. He is playing at the other end of the school gym. [The kid’s always surrounded by an entourage. Totally popular. Clearly, we are not related.] “Is she your grandmother?” Nosey Kid asks Mikie as he skips in my direction. So, let’s be clear: “She” is “me.” ME?! [Really? […]
Tag Archives: Short Stories
He is here. At my front door again. We spent two nights together. And now, the adorable fucker always comes back. And he just sits there. Looking so damn cute. That’s how he sucked me in the first time. I don’t even know he’s out there. Until my cats go batshit crazy. Growling. Throwing their […]
I am not sure what I’m doing in New York in the middle of a hurricane. Hurricane Sandy. This ranks pretty high on my list of Dumb-Things-I-Do-Because-I-Need-To-Live-With-Someone-Who-Is-Not-Bonkers. Need proof? Let’s quickly re-visit the Tree Art Debaucle which obviously led to WagonGate, shall we? Once I brought a chainsaw to cut down a row of small […]
Okay. Let’s get past the obvious. Posting someone’s voicemail is completely foul and a violation of all things good and decent [like bunny rabbits and furry kittens]. So noted. Next. Yes, that was Ben-who-inspires-bitchy-blogs, Ben. The phone call was inevitable. That is how cray cray people operate. They leave bread crumbs of nonsense behind so […]
Much like a pimple on my butt, he is back. Ben. First, he sent flowers on my birthday. Then, a few days ago – a letter on fancy paper with concert tickets for “us” to use (worth $60 each). My homeowner-math [that revolves around bills I have to pay] calculates the total cost at about […]
Right. So this is it. It is 110 degrees outside. And I am walking on the side of the road to the gas station that is 2 minutes away. My muffler fell out of my car on the off-ramp of the highway. It sounded like a boulder exploded. And then, dragging metal. I am wearing […]
CollickyBaby is crying – again. Crud. [Note to self: Never leave the pacifier in the car.] I just need to wiggle by CollickyBaby – and get to my desk [where I can commence surfing the web. I mean working.] This is what my cat, Scout, does when I call her name… She knows I want […]
“It’ll be done before you get home,” he said confidently on the phone. Right. So let me get this straight… He will do everything. I will do nothing. Got it. Say no more. Sign me up. Gimme some of that. Then, gimme some mo’. I am pretty sure that “It will be done before you […]
I am pretty sure the purpose of my last grad school class is to… Make sure I am totally dead. Apparently, all of the other classes were just a dry run. I looked at the syllabus over the Christmas break – saw that it was double the work in the same amount of time – […]
