Poor little step stool. I purchased it so I don’t fall and die putting up Christmas lights on the low-hung gutters on my house. Sadly, it is now lifting my dainty vagina in my cold dark kitchen at 3 AM so I can pee in the sink. [Which sucks. Because now I have to wash the dishes […]
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Never buy a house where adorable little boys reside next door. Because one day they grow into teenagers. And that bites. Last week, one of said teen idiots looked at a crater-sized hole in my front lawn [that the Water Company dug for no apparent reason in January?!] – and thought stupid thoughts. Like… “Hey, my […]
Shh… I’m at work. Don’t tell anyone I am reading a blog by some dude crushing on his penis. [Gotta love the interwebs, baby!] I don’t want penises anywhere near my body. But if you wanna write about your man parts or just get naked… I’m in. All the way in. Now, hold all of […]
He is staring at my tits. Yawn. So been there, so done that. Yet another perk of having DD-cup breasts, not to be outdone by other nifty benefits like: having an automatic napkin to catch crumbs and assorted food, or a shelf for my cats to nap, or a place to rest the TV remote. […]
I am not sure what I’m doing in New York in the middle of a hurricane. Hurricane Sandy. This ranks pretty high on my list of Dumb-Things-I-Do-Because-I-Need-To-Live-With-Someone-Who-Is-Not-Bonkers. Need proof? Let’s quickly re-visit the Tree Art Debaucle which obviously led to WagonGate, shall we? Once I brought a chainsaw to cut down a row of small […]
“It’ll be done before you get home,” he said confidently on the phone. Right. So let me get this straight… He will do everything. I will do nothing. Got it. Say no more. Sign me up. Gimme some of that. Then, gimme some mo’. I am pretty sure that “It will be done before you […]
