Don’t Feed The Animals

Cats believe in retribution. And they’re not screwing around. They know all of your weaknesses and they will use them against you. Forget to the clean the litter box? They shit right next to it. Put sticky tape on the arm of your wicker chair in an effort to save it? They study every inch […]

Nothing Ruins Christmas Like Shopping

He is here. At my front door again.  We spent two nights together. And now, the adorable fucker always comes back. And he just sits there. Looking so damn cute. That’s how he sucked me in the first time. I don’t even know he’s out there. Until my cats go batshit crazy. Growling. Throwing their […]

Give Everything

I am not sure what I’m doing in New York in the middle of a hurricane. Hurricane Sandy. This ranks pretty high on my list of Dumb-Things-I-Do-Because-I-Need-To-Live-With-Someone-Who-Is-Not-Bonkers. Need proof? Let’s quickly re-visit the Tree Art Debaucle which obviously led to WagonGate, shall we? Once I brought a chainsaw to cut down a row of small […]

Type Faster

No one has ever applauded me at a meeting. That is probably because I make a point to avoid them. I mean how the hell should I know how meetings work? I don’t go. [Note to self: Look this up on Google. Meetings/applause/frequency.] Generally, I don’t get it. What is the point of sending an […]

Professor Unicorn

“I can’t believe you got me to re-schedule a meeting so you can ogle a hot guy?” my boss, FairyWings, laughed. Me neither [but I do appreciate her allegiance to the cause.] “But then I thought to myself,” she continued, “how often is that really going to happen?”  [Word. I believe the correct answer is never, […]