Cats believe in retribution. And they’re not screwing around. They know all of your weaknesses and they will use them against you. Forget to the clean the litter box? They shit right next to it. Put sticky tape on the arm of your wicker chair in an effort to save it? They study every inch […]
Tag Archives: Blog
He is here. At my front door again. We spent two nights together. And now, the adorable fucker always comes back. And he just sits there. Looking so damn cute. That’s how he sucked me in the first time. I don’t even know he’s out there. Until my cats go batshit crazy. Growling. Throwing their […]
I can’t find them. This is why I organize everything. I just hate losing things. I am not a clean freak. Ask every cat hair ball roaming around my laminate floors. But I do like to find things. Hence, the twenty million plastic organizers of all shapes and sizes in every closet and drawer. Not […]
It’s official. My vagina is an underachiever. I mean I kinda knew that already – with the cobwebs and all. But now, I have test results to prove it to my um… cats – who give less of a shit than I do. But still… In true geek fashion, I just love getting an A […]
Sigh. What’s with all the “work” at work?! I try to make at least 10% [and by that, I mean 30%] of the day “chat time.” It’s good for the soul – and totally productive, in a non-productive kind of way. Anyway, this is important. FairyWings is about to tell me about him. Biker Dude, him. […]
Khloe Kardashian had a nip slip. And I. missed. it! Nads. I am totally trying not to use profanity for like a whole 5 seconds…. But holy cunnilingus. Are you telling me that I watched 2 hours of that insipid show – The X Factor – and I missed the nipple action. Say it ain’t so? […]
I am not sure what I’m doing in New York in the middle of a hurricane. Hurricane Sandy. This ranks pretty high on my list of Dumb-Things-I-Do-Because-I-Need-To-Live-With-Someone-Who-Is-Not-Bonkers. Need proof? Let’s quickly re-visit the Tree Art Debaucle which obviously led to WagonGate, shall we? Once I brought a chainsaw to cut down a row of small […]
“When was your last sexual encounter?” she asked directly. [Wow. That’s so forward….Take me to dinner first, at least.] Question: Remember the good old days when you talked about your vagina after some pie and coffee? “Over a year ago,” I said jokingly. “I am working on regaining my virginity.” I have no issues with […]
No one has ever applauded me at a meeting. That is probably because I make a point to avoid them. I mean how the hell should I know how meetings work? I don’t go. [Note to self: Look this up on Google. Meetings/applause/frequency.] Generally, I don’t get it. What is the point of sending an […]
It was Friday. And I was joking around with one of my work-friends. Work-friends are people who act like they would give you a kidney between the hours of 9 and 5, but after 5:01 PM – they pretend not to know you when they you see at Target [because it’s like so inconvenient.] Welcome […]
Great. So he’s not just a pretty face. How utterly disappointing. I guess I should have realized this when I looked up his bio – in proper stalker fashion on Google – and found a list of degrees, books, and research articles a mile long. Whatever, Professor Unicorn. Methinks thou reads too much. It’s just […]
“I can’t believe you got me to re-schedule a meeting so you can ogle a hot guy?” my boss, FairyWings, laughed. Me neither [but I do appreciate her allegiance to the cause.] “But then I thought to myself,” she continued, “how often is that really going to happen?” [Word. I believe the correct answer is never, […]
The Jiggly Bits 